Here Am Eye, oil on canvas © 2024 D. Yael Bernhard
If you’ve read the Bible, you’re familiar with the phrase “Here I Am” as an answer to a spiritual calling. Translated from the Hebrew phrase hineni (הנני), it reads more like “Here Am I.” This response indicates a readiness to face whatever comes next, and a willingness to be of service. Jacob and Esau said it when called upon by their father Isaac in his old age. Moses said it at the burning bush in response to the voice of God. And the prophets Samuel and Isaiah said it as they, too, were summoned to serve something greater than themselves. It was Isaiah’s calling in particular that inspired this painting, when he offers himself to the Eternal, despite feeling unqualified as a divine emissary due to his impure speech. A winged seraph then takes a hot coal from the holy altar and touches it to the prophet’s lips, rendering his speech pure and making the man ready to serve the Eternal. As an illustrator, I’ve been called upon to depict this passage several times.
What does this mean, to serve the Eternal? To me, it means surrendering to the greatest unknown, akin to death, and a willingness to cross over to an entirely different realm. This became personal for me earlier this year, and was on my mind when the painting came to me, fully formed, one night in a dream. It was no ordinary night, taking place during a week when I awaited the results of a biopsy on my thyroid. The first biopsy had already shown “atypical” cell growth. The second one, a genetic test, would determine what kind of atypical – cancerous, potentially cancerous, or benign. I felt my fate hang in the balance that week as I pondered my mortality and went about my usual work and activities as best I could. In the middle of this week came the dream: my body dissolving as I answer the call and surrender, feel myself pulled to the other side, my physical form melting away, my consciousness turning in a mandala of radiating color, reduced to nothing but the awareness of my eye. Along the expanding arcs of translucent color, the above-mentioned passage from Isaiah was inscribed in flowing, golden Hebrew script. And at the center of this wheeling window of the soul was a crystal aperture that opened to pure white. This naturally became a six-sided Magen David (Star of David).
Thus, Here Am I became Here Am Eye.
Winter and spring are the months when I work on the art for The Jewish Eye Calendar of Art. I quickly set to work on this painting, finishing it in just a few sittings. Given the title of the calendar, it was an obvious choice for this year’s cover. For the purpose of the calendar I chose not to include the Hebrew script in the painting. Another version will be forthcoming which will be more monochromatic and include the script.
And gratefully, I received the good news a few days later that my thyroid nodule is harmless. In this case at least, there’s nothing wrong with being atypical. (“Well, we already knew that about you,” several friends quipped.)
A great sigh of relief followed, even as I felt compassion for a number of friends and all the people in the world who have had less favorable outcomes to cancer biopsies. I continued to ponder the image, wondering if it held a certain message for me. Then I shared it with a Buddhist friend, raised Jewish, who was about to undergo cancer surgery herself. She immediately bought the painting, finding inspiration and solace in its meaning. Had my whole experience come about in order to bring forth the painting for her? Or to someone who will see it in my calendar?
Only one thing is certain: God works in mysterious ways.
Here Am Eye is the image for February 2025 in The Jewish Eye 5785/2025 Calendar of Art, available in my webstore, on Amazon, or if you’re local, directly from me. All the images may be viewed in my webstore. You don’t have to be Jewish to enjoy this calendar!
A good week to all –
D. Yael Bernhard
https://dyaelbernhard.com
Have you seen my other Substack, The Art of Health? In addition to being a visual artist, I’m also a certified integrative health & nutrition coach with a lifelong passion for natural food cooking and herbal medicine. Now in its second year, this illustrated newsletter explores cutting-edge concepts of nutrition. I strive to make relevant information clear and accessible, and to anchor essential health concepts in unique images. Check it out, and if you like it, please subscribe and help spread the word. Your support keeps my work going!