Image of the Week: Modah Ani (Grateful Am I)
© D. Yael Bernhard
Modah Ani is the first painting in my new calendar, The Jewish Eye 5781/2021 Calendar of Art. The title means "Grateful am I" (in the feminine form), from a Hebrew prayer that is traditionally recited upon awakening each morning. The prayer gives thanks for the return of consciousness.
Modah ani l'fanecha
melech chai v'kayam
shehech'hazarta b'nishmati b'chemlah
rabah emunatechah
Grateful am I before You,
Living Eternal One
who has returned my soul with compassion
Abundant is your faith!
Modeh Ani (the title in masculine form) dates back to the 16th century, with roots that reach all the way back to the Book of Lamentations. In language simple enough for children to understand, the prayer expresses the idea that mercy does not run out; and that every morning, we are restored to our original or pure self as a new creation.
To express gratitude for life and consciousness every day is to not take life and consciousness for granted. These are gifts, not our doing. Much is also written about the Hebrew word modeh/modah – grateful – which shares a common root with the Hebrew word for "Jewish" – Yehudah. This link is widely understood to affirm the essential nature of gratitude in Jewish identity. Wishing to instill this idea at an early age, observant Jewish families often teach their children this prayer, and encourage them to recite it when they wake up each morning.
I wanted this painting to be an image that both adults and kids can relate to. The concept of waking up to consciousness itself could manifest in numerous ways (more versions to come from this artist for sure). It happened that as I was working on it last fall, I was also taking a course on 20th century art history at Empire State College. I revisited Impressionist and Post-Impressionist paintings that I fell in love with as a teenager, long ago. The course gave me an excuse to delve back into the pointillist paintings of Seurat, with their shimmering fields of colored dots; the particulate brushstrokes of Pissarro; the gentle hues of Monet; the quizzical contrivances of Klee; and the mysterious blended tones of my preeminent mentor, Cézanne. For Modah Ani, pointillism seemed like the most appropriate technique to express the materialization of consciousness amidst the soft pastels of dawn. I had only a few hours to work on the painting, so I made it small, and used colored paper to establish a mid-tone ground against which both light and dark colors stand out. I chose water-based gouache paint, which is conducive to working fast with its light, opaque fluidity. Gouache has not a trace of oil in it, and almost feels like liquid chalk.
My pillow is right under a window, so I can look out at the stars at night – and the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning is trees and sky. The second thing I see is my dog, who also has complete faith in the restoration of my consciousness, with a raw egg for her breakfast soon to follow. That's already a lot to be grateful for! Next to the window is my painting, Isaiah & the Seraph – except in Modah Ani, the seraph is transformed into a maternal figure, and Isaiah is a child – symbolizing the return to the essential, innocent self. The child-self is met with a loving embrace – that fountain of mercy that never runs dry. Every child deserves that.
You can order The Jewish Eye 5781/2021 Calendar of Art from my webstore. The cost is $18, including shipping within the continental U.S.
A good week to all!
D Yael Bernhard